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By Kate Oliver, Community and Content Co-ordinator and Marine Bernier-Harrington, Co-Founder & Director, The NeuroDiversity Family Hub
A pupil won't answer a teacher's question. They shout, swear and walk out.
Later, the same young person struggles to answer a police officer, grows agitated during a stop, and takes too long to respond to an instruction.
It is easy to describe this as difficult or defiant behaviour. Sometimes it is. But sometimes there is something else going on.
Neurodivergent young people can experience differences in attention, communication, sensory processing, impulse control and emotional regulation. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, Tourette syndrome and other forms of neurodivergence can affect how a child responds to demands and stressful situations.
These differences can result in behaviour such as not following instructions, interrupting, avoiding eye contact, avoiding a task, an angry outburst or being shutdown and unable to speak or move. Communication breakdowns can also happen because of differing social styles between neurotypical and neurodivergent people, not just because of how the person behaves.
Here's what that can look like in practice.
Laura arrived at our club with yet another detention. Laura is an autistic Year 10 student in secondary school in London who comes to our club every week. She often does her homework on arrival, likes a bit of art and craft, and just chills and chats with us. In this safe environment we have no concerns about her, and we wondered why she gets so many detentions.
Exploring this with her, we realised the lack of understanding from the teachers and school. For example, when asked 'Are you ready for a good lesson, Laura?' she replied 'No, I'm not', because it was the truth. Perhaps it was the end of a tiring day, or she needed to stretch her legs, or this was not a lesson she enjoys.
She said what she felt. No filter. She didn't realise that this was a question to which she was meant to reply 'Yes, I am, Miss'. The teacher wasn't really asking an open question; it is part of a social code. She did not get the cue because this is not her communication style.
When the neurodivergent link is missed or ignored, this kind of behaviour is often interpreted in ways that make the situation worse. If this pattern is repeated it can affect a child's schooling, their relationships with adults or authority, and even their exposure to exploitation.
Are they really coping?
Other neurodivergent people may seem to be coping and fitting in. The may in fact be extremely quiet and compliant.
On parents evenings Shania's parents were always told that she was a pleasure to teach. Her attendance was excellent and she was working at a good level academically. She was extremely well-behaved, very quiet and a bit dreamy. This didn't really sound like the lively, chatty, cheeky girl they knew at home, but they were glad she was doing well at school. Meanwhile, every Sunday night Shania would say she felt sick and couldn't go to school the next day. The parents couldn't match the positive reports with Shania's clear distress about going to school. School were not really concerned as she seemed to them to be doing well. When she began to struggle with low mood, anxiety and EBSNA (Emotion Based School Non-attendance) and contact with school increased, teachers and parents began to realise just how different Shania was at home and at school. In talking to Shania, the parents began to realise that 'quiet' meant unable to speak due to anxiety, 'dreamy' meant tapping out because she was overwhelmed and 'extremely well-behaved' meant highly anxious about making a mistake or getting into trouble. Eventually, thanks to an experienced educational psychologist, an autism diagnosis followed.
A young person who looks calm and cooperative may be using considerable effort to manage an environment that they find difficult.
Frank is 6 years old. He has ADHD. We noticed that when he arrives at The NDF Hub kids' club, he runs around screaming and disturbing everyone. We wondered why he was doing this, so we asked him what he was thinking. He said, 'I have to be quiet all day and sit without moving. I've been so good all day, but I can't do it any more.' So we agreed with Frank that when he comes in, he is allowed to express his big feelings, and we encouraged him to go to a zone where he can regulate without disturbing the other children in the club. Masking all day is just too hard!
Many neurodivergent young people mask: copying others' behaviour, suppressing ‘stimming’ or hyperactivity, rehearsing social scripts, hiding signs that they're close to being overwhelmed. They may hold everything together at school and then experience a significant loss of control at home, or the other way around. Masking is perhaps not a surprising response to stigma, but research is emerging about the cost to a young person’s mental health.
For professionals, a heavily masking child can be easier to manage but also presents a difficulty. The behaviour that adults see is not always a reliable indication of how well a young person is coping and this can make it harder to spot signs of real struggle before everything falls apart.
Masking is not unique to autism. A young person with ADHD may work hard to compensate for difficulties with attention and executive functioning. Someone with dyslexia may avoid reading or writing because previous experiences have made these activities stressful. A young person with Tourette syndrome may be dealing with involuntary movements or vocalisations that other people mistake for deliberate disruption.
Neurodivergence and School Exclusion
People with ADHD can thrive in fast-changing, unpredictable environments. The ADHD brain naturally resists traditional boundaries, and this can lead to inventive and original thinking and problem solving. However, these same traits can lead to impulsivity and rule breaking so it's perhaps not surprising that ADHD is particularly relevant to discussions about school exclusion.
A large population study in Wales followed more than 414,000 pupils and found that children with recorded neurodevelopmental disorders were more likely to experience absence and exclusion. The association was particularly marked for ADHD. Among 14-year-olds in the study, 15.1% of those with ADHD had experienced an exclusion.
That doesn't mean children with ADHD shouldn't face consequences for harmful behaviour, or that every exclusion involving an ADHD diagnosis was wrong. It does mean schools need to look at who is always in detention or being suspended, the kind of child one teacher described to me as having ‘detention like part of their timetable, scheduled in at the end of the day’.
Impulsivity, difficulties with attention and working memory, and problems regulating emotions can all affect a child's ability to stop what they are doing, take in an instruction and respond in the expected way. A pattern of incidents may therefore be telling us something about the child's needs, the environment or the demands being placed on them.
The Youth Justice Board has highlighted the high prevalence of neurodevelopmental needs among children in the youth justice system, including ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia and developmental language disorder. These differences can affect communication, understanding and engagement with services.
That has implications well before a child reaches the criminal justice system.
Other forms of neurodivergence can be missed too
There is less research linking some forms of neurodivergence directly to exclusion and criminal justice involvement, so it is important not to overstate the evidence. However, the patterns are similar to those with autism and ADHD.
Many people with Tourettes have sharp visual-spatial reasoning and exceptional concentration. Individuals used to managing tics can develop excellent awareness of their physical and emotional state and good impulse regulation. But it is not always possible to control tics. Tics are involuntary, but movements and vocalisations can be mistaken for deliberate acts of disruption or disrespect. A 2023 review of research into stigma associated with Tourette syndrome found reports of discrimination in education, including young people being punished for tics and, in some cases, being encouraged to leave mainstream education without appropriate formal procedures.
Dyslexic people can be creative thinkers with good spatial reasoning and big-picture problem solving. But there's no doubt that it presents challenges too. Difficulties with reading, writing and processing written information can lead to frustration and avoidance, particularly if the dyslexia goes undiagnosed or the right support is not available. A child who refuses to read aloud or repeatedly fails to complete written work may be seen as lazy, disorganised or disengaged when they are actually struggling with a task. HM Inspectorate of Probation has flagged similar communication difficulties to those linked to ADHD and autism as barriers that make it harder for children to follow and take part in youth justice proceedings.
Dyslexia and other learning differences are also relevant when children come into contact with the justice system. HM Inspectorate of Probation identifies communication difficulties associated with conditions including dyslexia, ADHD and autism as factors that can make it harder for children to understand and participate in youth justice processes.
A recent qualitative study of neurodivergent people with experience of the criminal justice system included people with ADHD, dyslexia, autism and OCD. Participants described experiences of being labelled disruptive or lazy rather than having their differences properly understood. The study was small and cannot be used to draw conclusions about all neurodivergent people, but it provides useful insight into how these labels can affect people's experiences of education and the justice system.
School provides protection
The disparity in suspension rates and absence rates between pupils with SEN and those with no identified SEN has continued to grow since the pandemic.
According to DfE statistics, children with identified special educational needs are excluded from school at far higher rates than their peers. Pupils with special educational needs (SEN) in England experience suspension and permanent exclusion rates nearly four times to six times higher than peers with no identified SEN.
The attendance gap has also widened. The persistent absence rate (missing more than 10% of school) is 14.7% for those with no identified SEND, 27.8% for those with SEND support and 34.3% for those with an EHCP. A child with an EHCP is roughly 6.2 times more likely to be severely absent (missing half or more of the school year) compared to a child without any identified special needs.
Obviously, this is important for education and life chances, but for other reasons too. School isn’t just about lessons. It provides routine, trusted adults, friendships, supervision and a steady stream of chances for someone to notice when a child's life is going off track. Take a child out of that structure, and those protections go with them.
Where Exploitation Enters the Picture
Exclusion doesn't inevitably lead to exploitation. Most excluded children never become involved in criminal activity, and neurodivergence itself doesn't cause offending. But there's real evidence that exclusion can be one step on a longer, darker path.
The Child Safeguarding Practice Review Panel's review of children at risk of criminal exploitation found that practitioners and families often saw permanent exclusion as a tipping point. The underlying risks were usually already there; exclusion accelerated them, especially when a child was left without proper education in place afterwards.
More recent analysis of 193 child safeguarding practice reviews found the same threads running together: exploitation linked to missing incidents, incidents linked to exclusion, and, in some cases, children excluded for behaviour that was itself a symptom of exploitation already underway. That's a hard thing for a school to catch in the moment: a child's behaviour changes and gets punished, but the real cause, happening entirely outside the school gates, goes unaddressed.
Meanwhile, a child no longer in school has more unsupervised hours and fewer adults checking in on them. Into that gap steps someone offering belonging, money, status or excitement.
How can we prevent those gaps from opening up? It's really important for professionals working with children and young people to have training in contextual safeguarding. This takes a big picture, whole child approach, looking at risk in neighbourhoods, peer groups and online spaces as well as home and school. Social workers partner with local groups, businesses and schools with the goal of making the wider social setting safe rather than just focusing on an individual.
An approach with neurodivergence in mind
Research with neurodivergent children who had passed through both education and youth justice systems found the same failure repeating: systems that unintentionally labelled, isolated and stigmatised the children they were meant to help. The researchers called for something more child centred. What might that look like?
• Note what happened just before the behaviour. Look at contextual factors which may have triggered the behaviour such as sensory overload, a change in routine, social friction, a demand that was genuinely too much at that moment.
• Consider whether neurodivergence might be affecting the behaviour. ADHD, autism, dyslexia, Tourette syndrome and other conditions can affect behaviour in different ways. N.B. A young person's individual profile matters more than the diagnostic label.
•Check whether they actually understand the instruction. Extra processing time, breaking instructions into smaller steps or phrasing something so that it is clearer and more direct, can change the outcome entirely.
• Describe what happened rather than interpreting why it happened. ‘The young person did not answer’ is different from ‘the young person was obstructive’. Keeping those things separate can prevent assumptions becoming part of a permanent record.
• Find out if something changed recently. A sudden rise in incidents, absences, exclusions or missing episodes should prompt questions about what's going on in that child's life, not just a response to the latest incident.
• Listen to the child or young person, with curiosity and an open mind. Adults tend to believe adults over children, but the child’s perspective may add something you had not considered. Just showing that you are listening to their account with an open mind can make all the difference to that young person’s mental state and their experience of the situation.
Understanding behaviour does not mean ignoring boundaries or excusing harm. It means making an informed response which can make the difference between responding to a problem and recognising a child who needs help. Keeping a young person connected to education, trusted adults and positive relationships can be part of keeping them safe.
Find out more about how we at The Neurodiversity Family Hub create a safe, supportive, neurodiversity affirming community around children, young people and their families here: https://theneurodiversityfamilyhub.org.
Further Reading:
[1] Cook, J., Hull, L., Crane, L. & Mandy, W. (2021), Camouflaging in autism: A systematic review. Reviews 29 studies and finds preliminary evidence linking greater camouflaging with poorer mental-health outcomes, noting limitations in the evidence base. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735821001239
[2] John, A. et al. (2022), Association of school absence and exclusion with recorded neurodevelopmental disorders, mental disorders, or self-harm. Nationwide Welsh cohort of more than 414,000 pupils. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/356500716_Association_of_school_absence_and_exclusion_with_recorded_neurodevelopmental_disorders_mental_disorders_or_self-harm_a_nationwide_retrospective_electronic_cohort_study_of_children_and_young_people_in_
[3] Jedrzejewska, A. & Dewey, J. (2022), Camouflaging in Autistic and Non-autistic Adolescents. Examines masking in online versus offline contexts. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-021-04953-6
[4] Ross, A., Grove, R. & McAloon, J. (2023), The relationship between camouflaging and mental health in autistic children and adolescents. Study of 733 autistic children and adolescents. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/365673099_The_relationship_between_camouflaging_and_mental_health_in_autistic_children_and_adolescents
[5] Reframing stigma in Tourette syndrome: an updated scoping review (2023). Documents stigma, discrimination and inadequate educational responses. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-023-02332-3
[6] Jay, M. A. et al. (2023), Risk of school exclusion among adolescents receiving social care or special educational needs services. Whole-population English cohort of over one million pupils. https://discovery.ucl.ac.uk/id/eprint/10174522/
[7] Macdonald, S. J. & Peacock, D. (2026), Dis/ableist criminology. Small qualitative study of people with ADHD, dyslexia and autism/OCD who had encountered the criminal justice system.
https://pureportal.bcu.ac.uk/en/publications/disableist-criminology-conceptualising-the-social-harms-experienc/
[8] Disabling and criminalising systems? (2022). Interviews with 19 neurodivergent children in England in or recently released from custody https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666353822000327
[9] Youth Justice Board, Neurodiversity in the youth justice system. https://www.gov.uk/government/news/neurodiversity-in-the-youth-justice-system
[10] Child Safeguarding Practice Review Panel, It was hard to escape: Safeguarding children at risk from criminal exploitation. https://tce.researchinpractice.org.uk/it-was-hard-to-escape-safeguarding-children-at-risk-from-criminal-exploitation/
[11] Fox, N. (2026), School exclusion, missing children and serious harm. Analysis of 193 child safeguarding practice reviews. https://scholar.google.com/citations?view_op=view_citation&hl=en&user=3qudROsAAAAJ&citation_for_view=3qudROsAAAAJ:9yKSN-GCB0IC
[12] Ambitious about Autism, When Will They We Learn? Exclusions Consultation Response (2017). Historical evidence on informal exclusion of autistic pupils.
https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/sites/default/files/resources-and-downloads/files/when-will-we-learn-unlawful-exclusions.pdf
[13] Department for Education, Suspensions and permanent exclusions in England: 2024 to 2025 (published July 2026). https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/suspensions-and-permanent-exclusions-in-england-2024-to-2025
The Neurodiversity Family Hub provides a welcoming, inclusive community for neurodivergent children and young people aged 0–25 and their families. Run by and for neurodivergent people, we understand the joys and challenges families may experience and offer a safe, supportive space where everyone can feel understood, valued and connected. In our community we often see the results of behaviour related to neurodiversity being misread as 'difficult', 'defiant' or 'disengaged'. The stories we share here are real (with identifying details changed). This article will explore the reasons behind some of that behaviour and what professionals (and parents) might do to approach it with curiosity and an understanding of neurodivergence in order respond more helpfully.
